Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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