some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
