im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
