he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
