Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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