arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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