my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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