That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
