he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
