alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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