he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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