birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
