You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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