hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
