Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
