11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
