im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
