i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
