I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
