I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
