I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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