Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
