He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
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its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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