I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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