Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
