i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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