You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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