clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
