Cold hands, warm shart.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
