she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
