Im at strip club and am horny
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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