Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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