Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
