....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
