Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
