Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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