all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
