brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just made out with a guy for $7.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
