I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
