You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
