So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
