just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
