you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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