my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
