Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
