Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
