he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
