Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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