my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
