I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
