I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
