Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Drake has all the answers
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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