i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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