So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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