your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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