He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
