how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
