How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
