One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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