I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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